It Wouldn't Work in Gloucestershire

On our way to Vienna at Christmas, we decided to spend a few days in a remote cottage in Austria, to ensure that, if by chance we were carrying some special Hungarian viral vestiges, we would give them a chance to be quarantined out of us before inflicting ourselves on the citizens of Vienna.

The cottage was absolutely charming, provided you love Austria and the Austrian approach to rural interior decoration as much as I do.  The aim is gemutlichkeit (nearest approximate meaning is coziness) and one could safely say that if you want to achieve gemutlichkeit, every last trace of the impulse to minimalism must be banished from your mind. 

The main thing to understand is that, if there is a spot on a wall that is empty, it needs to be filled - possibly with an old sieve or a bunch of dried corn cobs. If you have a hall table that already has paintings all over it, it is imperative that you add a little flowered bucket to put pens in and an old ceramic cake container to hold visiting cards (and, while on the subject of cards, here is quite an amusing story). If it's a choice between a plain lamp hanging from the ceiling and an old oxen yoke to which two gingham, lace-trimmed lamps have been added, it isn't really a choice at all. If a bedside table doesn't have an implement from the 19th century for pulling teeth - possibly, (at least I hope so), the teeth of horses - you'd better go out and get one. If a corner stands empty, find a piece of wood that appears to have a cricket bat attempting to emerge from it and prop it up there. If the front hall looks a bit bare, add an old piece of fleece-preparing equipment - and don't leave it alone, for heaven's sake; throw in a tub full of old pinecones. A pretty wall cupboard surrounded by small pictures, isn't nearly enough, when you can add some bits of a disassembled church organ over the top. A beautiful heavily painted cupboard can only be improved by plonking some jugs on top of it. One decorative ceramic tobacco pipe is not nearly enough when you could have fifteen or twenty. And when it comes to heating, why have a plain radiator when you could have a tiled green dalek? 

It all works beautifully in situ. But no, it wouldn't work in Gloucestershire.