Monday, 18 April 2011

In the News

What I learnt from the newspaper today:

1. A new approach to growing old, courtesy of Grace Jones:


2. That choosing a garment because it is 'interesting' or 'unusual' or 'intriguing' will always mean that, when you are trying to say something important or serious, no-one will be listening; they will be too busy trying to decide if that thing you're wearing is a skirt or trousers or a sack or just the sitting-room curtains that you somehow inadvertently wrapped yourself in as you were walking out the door:


3. That, if all else fails, I can always try chook washing as a new career (I think those three little pink-clad girls may already be planning a similar future):


 (Babe, pig in the city, eat your heart out).



4. That - particularly cheeringly on this first (or is it the second? [that crazy church calendar, don't you love it?]) day of Holy Week - there are people who, when confronted by what looks pretty much like Hell, have decided to take Noel Coward's advice and 'rise above it' (I find this picture peculiarly touching):

Saturday, 16 April 2011

A Fearsome Bear

Stephen Pentz has a beautiful blog called First Known When Lost, a trove of poetic gems and exquisite illustrations. It has a particularly lovely masthead - a view through stone archways to distant landscape and cerulean skies - which is worth the visit on its own, even if you haven't time to read all the delightful posts just now.

Anyway, Stephen kindly dropped over here to reveal that Archibald Ormsby-Gore actually existed. He, and his friend Jumbo, were Betjeman's lifelong possessions - or companions, depending on the level of sentimentality you are prepared to admit to (one Internet page claims Betjeman died with Archie and Jumbo in his arms, but I think that is the sort of fact that can never be verified and is perhaps left undivulged, if true.)

Anyway, thanks to Stephen, here is Betjeman's poem about his bear, which he dedicated to Philip Larkin (entirely speculatively, I wonder if Larkin might sometimes have looked as if he were thinking 'They'll burn you on the Judgement Day', as Betjeman says Archie did):


ARCHIBALD

The bear that sits above my bed
A doleful bear he is to see;
From out his drooping pear-shaped head
His woollen eyes look into me.
He has no mouth, but seems to say:
'They'll burn you on the Judgement Day.'

Those woollen eyes, the things they've seen
Those flannel ears, the things they've heard -
 Among horse-chestnut fans of green,
The fluting of an April bird,
And quarrelling downstairs until
Doors slammed at Thirty One West Hill.

The dreaded evening keyhole scratch
 Announcing some return below
The nursery landing's lifted latch,
The punishment to undergo
Still I could smooth those half-moon ears
And wet that forehead with my tears.

Whatever rush to catch a train,
Whatever joy there was to share
Of sounding sea-board, rainbowed rain,
Or seaweed-scented Cornish air,
Sharing the laughs, you still were there,
You ugly, unrepentant bear.

 When nine, I hid you in a loft
And dared not let you share my bed;
More agèd now he is to see,
His woollen eyes have thinner thread,
But still he seems to say to me,
 In double-doom notes, like a knell:
'You're half a century nearer Hell.'

Self-pity shrouds me in a mist,
And drowns me in my self-esteem.
The freckled faces I have kissed
Float by me in a guilty dream.
The only constant, sitting there,
Patient and hairless, is a bear.

And if an analyst one day
 Of school of Adler, Jung or Freud
Should take this aged bear away,
Then, oh my God, the dreadful void!
its draughty darkness could but be
Eternity, Eternity

Archibald Ormsby-Gore

It is coming up to Easter, which is as good a time as any to remind ourselves about the plight of those in our community who belong to minority faiths. That is why I decided last night to drag out one of my favourite picture books:
 The book tells the story of a bear called Archibald Ormsby-Gore and the struggles he must go through in rural Southern England in order to follow his faith. You could argue, in these multicultural times,  that it is a sobering parable. Here it is:

















Friday, 15 April 2011

The Gasman Cometh

Yesterday, the gas company sent us this:
and this:

and this:
and this:
In a building somewhere, a computer is going quietly off its head.

Thursday, 14 April 2011

Oh Boy

My father had many endearing affectations. One, picked up, I suspect, during a posting in Washington, was to say, very emphatically, almost yearningly, 'Oh boy,' when he tasted something he liked that you'd cooked. 'Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.' A pause. 'That IS good.' Or sometimes, 'That is GOOD.' Rather like the German waiter's cry of 'sofort' and 'gleich', I was never sure what finely nuanced differences in meaning there were between these two variants. Probably none. As he wasn't actually particularly keen on eating anyway, the whole performance was largely insincere - but that didn't make it less charming.

Anyway, after appealing for recipes for my home-grown eggplant the other day, I got lots of suggestions, mostly to do with grilling the things. One recipe though that someone kindly gave me and, I'm sorry to say, I at first thought was going to be rather disgusting, (partly because I thought it would be a waste to peel the eggplant - but then I realised that, as long as I peeled them thickly, I could grill the peel bits and so get two dishes for the price of one) turned out, in fact, to be a bit of an 'Oh boy' dish.

It qualified for 'Oh boy', status, I felt, by being unusual, surprising and, most importantly, of course, delicious. In addition, it had a special allure because it came from the 'original' Russian Tea Room in New York - not the nasty modern incarnation, which boasts rather oddly (but in a manner that makes me suspect that there is Russian new money somewhere in the background) that it is the 'second home for boldface names' (???) but the authentic 1920s establishment. I would very much like to have visited the Russian Tea Room in its earlier incarnation, but that is no longer possible. Armed with this recipe though, I can close my eyes, take a spoonful of eggplant a la russe and pretend that I am there:

Eggplant a la Russe

1 kg eggplant
45 g butter
2 tbsps finely chopped onion
1/2 cup flour
1 cup milk
1 cup cream
1/4 teaspoon ground coriander
1 teaspoon french mustard
1/2 teaspoon paprika
salt and pepper
1/2 cup thick sour cream
6 tbsps finely grated parmesan cheese

Peel the eggplant. This is vital, otherwise the inside becomes too soft by the time the skin is tender. Dice into medium-sized cubes, each about 2.5 centimetres. Put into a saucepan of boiling, lightly salted water. Bring back to boil and cook two minutes. Drain well and let stand for 10 minutes in a colander.
Melt butter, add onion and cook until softened. Add flour, stirring until cooked and then stir in milk and cream. Bring to boil, stirring all the time until thickened.
Mix in coriander, mustard, paprika, salt and pepper. Finally add sour cream. Taste. It should be quite well seasoned with the spices.
Put the eggplant into a shallow ovenproof dish - or individual ones. Spread sauce over the top. Scatter with cheese. Bake in a moderate oven until edges are bubbling and the top is glazed and golden.

(And, yes, it is very rich.)

Tuesday, 12 April 2011

Bruce Dawe

 Although I don't really understand the poem, much of the imagery in Bruce Dawe's 'a' is for asia ..., which you can find in his collection called Condolences of the Season  (published by Longman Cheshire, ISBN 0-7015-1306-3) , seems almost presciently apposite in this strange wild year:

'a' is for asia ...

It is part of our peculiar charm that each time we witness
A nation's total collapse
We are amazed and hurt as the cruel wave makes nonsense
Of another sand-castle Perhaps,
And the hurt is a personal hurt as deep as a child's,
Trudging painfully up the beach
- Already planning the ramparts of his next castle,
Beyond the sea's reach ...

'Those who do not learn from history are condemned to repeat it ...'
With, of course, variations,
And, while the beach may be limitless, there are unfortunately only
A certain number of nations,
Which means that each step we take back with bucket and spade
(Having, for protection, only
Our innocence of such things as tide-rise and tide-fall)
We must feel the more lonely,
The more desolate and set upon, while personally wishing
Not so much as a starfish harm,
And the injured look on our faces as we finally go under will be
Not the least of our charm ...

Monday, 11 April 2011

Another Reason for Preferring Australia to Britain

We don't have Evan Davis. I'd forgotten all about him until yesterday - it's called blotting out trauma, I think. But I dropped my guard and there he was again. In that solitary instant of less than complete vigilance, the full horror came flooding back.

What I especially hated when I lived in London was that moment in the morning when you'd turn on the Today programme and listen in trepidation - and, oh no, it was the D team, Evan Davis and that token woman, who has an exceptionally annoying voice.

But, hang on - I've just caught a glimpse of Eddie McGuire. I'd forgotten about him as well. The scoreboard's gone back into draw territory all of a sudden. Damn.