The Theory and Practice of Balconies

If you are going to live in a flat, I think it is a good idea to try to live in one that has a balcony. That way, you can get fresh air without having to hurtle downstairs and out onto the street, where you might have to rub shoulders with the riff-raff that mills about on the pavements of so many cities these days.

However, having recommended the possession of a balcony, I should point out that not just any balcony will do. You have to choose one that will suit your personality. For instance, if you want to appear before massed crowds in order to hold forth to them about your vision of the world, you will probably need balconies like these ones:

If, on the other hand, you fancy yourself as a waif-like Juliet and want a balcony for standing about and yearning, one of these is going to be the kind of thing you'll need:

If you are a smoker and live with someone who sends you outside in all weathers to indulge your pleasure, you should choose a flat with an enclosed balcony, like these ones:

However attractive the individuals supporting your balcony may be:

however pretty the balcony itself:

you should avoid balconies on the first floor, because they are too easy to climb up onto (unless you enjoy light-fingered, passing friendships).

It's also wise to give the flick to anything that looks as if its supports are slightly dodgy. If you have any even faint fear the thing might fall off the side of the building, don't go near it:

Ideally, your building should not be dotted with other people's balconies:

There's something very satisfactory about being the only person in possession of such a thing:

Personally, I should also avoid novelty drainage arrangements, where water pours out of the mouth of gargoyles, or any other parts of their anatomy:

and I'm not that keen on balconies that look like dodgem cars or fairground ferris wheel tubs emerging through the brick work

But, then again, they may be the answer to a dream for really keen fairground enthusiasts. That's the beauty of balconies - there are enough varieties to suit almost every temperament under the sun.