Monday, 29 November 2010

Poetry Retractions

I'd never really understood the attraction of Twitter until last night when a hashtag called Poetry Retractions began. Here are some of the responses. I thought they were funny:

I know a bank where the wild thyme blows, where oxlips and the nodding violet grows and hayfever sufferers sneeze wildly

I had written him a letter which I had for lack of butter put upon my sandwich

In Xanadu did Kublai Khan a stately pleasure dome decree, but so many voters objected he cancelled it

I grow old, I grow old, I shall wear the bottom of my stomach rolled

James James Morrison Morrison Weatherby George Dupree couldn't fit his name on the Child Protection Forms

I was angry with my friend, I told my wrath, he punched me

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone , actually just wait I'll order a pizza first

When I compare thee to a summer's day, please recall that I'm English. William Shakespeare


In retrospect, that red wheelbarrow wasn't as important as I thought. Also, I was drunk. William Carlos Williams

Goe, and catche a falling starre / Get with child a mandrake roote / I knowe you woulde / you'de roote anythinge

While Death stopping for me was kindly, I should point out that he talked the entire goddamn ride. Emily Dickinson.

They fuck you up, your mum and dad, but being a librarian in Hull fucks you up even more. Philip Larkin

How do i love thee? let me count the ways. 1. oh, right. i don't. Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

No, May is crueller. Eliot

A sweet disorder in the dress Kindles in clothes a wantonness But can just look a bit of a mess - Herrick

Down to the sloeblack, slow, black, crowblack hatchback-bobbing carpark

This country's not that bad for old men.

Actually the Old Masters didn't really get suffering - at least not when it came to verrucas. Auden

Things fall apart, the center cannot hold/ minority government is loosed upon us all

 I don't even like honey - is there vodka still for tea? Rupert Brooke

I had written him a letter which I had, for want of better Knowledge, forgotten to post.

There was movement at the station but I didn't pass the word around

The wedding guest fidgeted, saying, 'Look is this going to take long, I've got a wedding to go to."

The old man lay on the frozen deck

Stuff Clancy and his overflow, at least here i can get a good latte after 5pm

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, but don't touch twitter

"Would you pls be quiet, and hang onto those bloody dogs" Mark Anthony

Yon Cassius has a corpulent and well-fed look

The boy stood on the burning deck, until a health and safety officer made him get off.

Thou still unravish'd bride of - oh crumbs, has anyone got any Tarzan's Grip?

Fate, the moving finger wrote, and having writ, decided not to press send after all

Just quietly... I took the same road as everyone else

The boy did not stand on the burning deck. And any talk of things thrown at dads will get your arses sued off

In the room the women come and go/Bitching about Michelangelo

"Ozymandias in in fact in fine health & remains king of kings. We regret the error & apologise for any distress caused"

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? / Nah, you're not that hot

Feare no more the heate o' th' Sun Nor the furious winter's rages - with split system air conditioning

 Earth has not anything to show more fair (I wish I hadn't taken this job with the London Tourist Board)

Feare no more the Lightning flash. Nor th' all-dreaded Thunderstone: Stay inside yer moron

The time has come, the Walrus said, To talk of many things: Of how united the NSW ALP is And whether pigs have wings

There was movement at the station, for the word had passed around that the train's cancelled & we have to change platforms

"Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house we were searching for the safe place where we hid the pressies

Water water everywhere.. except Tillegra Dam

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse,thanks to the trap

There once was a swagman who camped by a billabong and got moved on for loitering

Your face, my thane, is as a book where men may read strange matters. You must've fallen asleep on the newspaper again

 Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita I decided to give up poetry and teach myself English instead

Till a' the seas gang dry, my dear, And the rocks melt wi' the sun; I will luve thee still, despite severe climate change

Put the saddle on the mare, For the wet winds blow; There's winter in the air, even though it's already fucking November

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took my GPS unit on the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe. Or maybe it was just something I ate.

I taught myself to live simply and wisely, to look at the sky and dodge falling Qantas engines.

They also serve who only stand and wait, under the award rules regarding eligibility for footwear allowance. 

My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains my sense, as though I were John Brumby after conceding

Let me not to the marriage of true mince admit impediments

They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They do mean to. And they do.

Brevity is the soul of Twit(ter) Shakespeare

Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. And use your iPhone as a torch!

She walks in beauty like the night/ Doesn't scrub up too well in the morning but

Parting is all we know of heaven, and all we need of Kevin 07 Emily Dickinson

He was shearing when I knew him, so I sent the email to him, just on spec, addressed as follows,

Wee slicking cowerin timorous beastie, ohyabugger ye bit me! Burns

Twas brillig and the slithy tobes did gyre and gymble... what the hell is it with this keyboard??

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, they're out of season and you can make a killing in the leadup to christmas

I have regurgitated the plums that were in the icebox forgive me they were rancid please remember to refill the ice trays

And into the valley of death rode the six hundred, til one of them said, hang on, we made a wrong turn

In xanadu did kubla khan have a very nice time rollerskating with olivia newton-john

Busy old fool, unruly Sun, you never really verify your sources before going to print do you?
But we by a love so much refined, that ourselves know not what it is, but luckily we have the box it came in

I felt a pain rise up in me, a pain so intense and so sudden, that I was forced to withdraw my hand from inside the oven.

As high as we have mounted in delight In our dejection do we sink as low - bloody Aussie cricket team. 

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I chose the one with fewer brambles because I had new tights on

He hails from Snowy River, up by Kosciusko's side, Where the hills are slightly steeper and rougher

Keep calm, it's only the dying of the light

Haikus can be fun, but sometimes they don't make sense, refrigerator
You know how little while we have to stay, and once departed may return no more, Rob Oakeshott

 Twas Mulga Bill, from Eaglehawk, that caught the tram to work because it looked like it might rain

Out of the mid-wood's twilight Into the meadow's dawn, Ivory keyed and brown-eyed, Flashes my iPhone

Half way up the stairs is the stair where I sit until I can find my door key

Water, water everywhere - why did I build a Desal plant?

Cannon to the left of them, cannon to the right of them, cannon in front of them/ So they turned around

"Yesterday, upon the stair, I met a man who was there"

There was movement at the station, for Word 98 had got around 

Always send someone else to find for whom the bell tolls, it probably tolls for them

So you're back from up the country, Mr Lawson sorry I'll move the Corolla out of your driveway

 Meanwhile, on a different tack, someone asked:

"Why do they lock service station bathrooms? Are they afraid somebody might clean them?"


  1. Some of those are pretty funny

  2. I especially like the Dylan Thomas and the John Donne

  3. It allowed me to recall my English classes from 25-30 years ago.

  4. This hashtag made my day yesterday, so much fun :-)

  5. I think some of these are yours, aren't they, Mimbles?
    About the same kind of stretch of memory for me, ac5083